German Catholic Women's Federation openly defies Catholic teaching
A blessing for love
The joy is great: From 2026, same-sex couples and divorced remarried couples can officially receive the blessing of the church. After years of discussions, the Synodal Assembly decided this in March. KDFB dedicated shows how important this decision is not only for affected couples.
For Monika Schmelter (66) it should be the airy, pastel-colored dress. Marie Kortenbusch (63) chose her elegant blue silk dress. "It wasn't important to us to get married all in white or to get presents," the two of them remember today. "It was important that we no longer hide, but wanted to stand by ourselves and let our love be blessed." The two theologians had been in a secret relationship for ten years and also kept their connection a secret from family and friends.
On May 24, 1990, the time had come: Since a lesbian wedding in Germany would have been unthinkable at the time, a Christian blessing celebration in Holland offered a suitable alternative and was intended to officially seal the secret love. "Of course, when we decided to stay together forever, we also wanted to celebrate," says Monika Schmelter. "And because we were very firm in our faith then as now, it was very important to us to make something spiritual out of this festival, i.e. a blessing celebration." So the two composed the two-hour liturgy, it became mantras about God and love intoned and Monika and Marie had a Bible passage from the Old Testament that was important to them engraved on their wedding rings. The couple was blessed by a close friend, a Dutch Jesuit priest who lived in a denomination in the Netherlands based on the early Christian model. And although many friends and family members stayed away from the celebration or openly showed their disapproval after the party - for Marie and Monika "their" day was literally a blessing. "We felt welcome and accepted and very happy because for the first time we could feel that our love can be blessed." It was a long-awaited, liberating feeling of great freedom and hope for a happy future. After all, the two had struggled with their decision for a long time, struggling with themselves and their way of life, which, then as now, is difficult to reconcile with the catechism. "The Catholic Church is and always has been home for us, and our faith is our foundation," says Monika Schmelter. "But when this church says homosexuality is sick, a bad aberration, a sin, then it is very difficult and also very painful to reconcile these two sides."
Behind closed doors
In 1990, Monika and Marie's wish for a blessing was not only unusual, it was simply not allowed. Because while ships, buildings, vehicles or even airplanes were blessed in Germany, a homosexual and Catholic couple was not allowed to receive his blessing at the time. In 2008, the first public blessing ceremony of a homosexual Catholic couple, who had previously entered into a civil partnership at the registry office, took place in Wetzlar Cathedral. As a reaction to the blessing ceremony, the Bishop of Limburg at the time, Franz-Peter Tebartz-van Elst, recalled the priest of the celebration from his position as district dean of Wetzlar.
“Until 2021, blessings for same-sex couples sadly remained isolated cases in the Catholic Church. They were forbidden, usually brought with them problems and punishments for the clergy and therefore often took place in secret: without announcement in the parish letters, in the smallest possible group, behind closed church doors,” summarizes Wolfgang F. Rothe (55), who holds a doctorate in canon law . The Roman Catholic priest and theologian was one of the activists of the #lovewint initiative. As part of this, on May 9th and 10th, 2021, many homosexual couples and divorced remarried couples were able to officially receive their blessing for the first time in more than 100 services celebrated throughout Germany.
Wolfgang F. Rothe was one of the priests who took part in the campaign as a blessing donor. In the Catholic Church of St. Benedict in Munich, for the first time, several same-sex couples and divorced remarried couples were blessed in a Catholic service.
Couples who, like Monika and Marie, had hidden their relationship for years, felt marginalized and were not accepted by their church. The door was wide open that day for believers who were rejected solely because of their love. "It is so important and good that after all these years, at the last synodal assembly, it was finally decided to bring the blessing celebrations out of the church courtyards outside of such days of action. They belong in the midst of church life, without secrecy and without fear of possible punishment,” says Wolfgang F. Rothe.
God loves - without ifs and buts
From 2026, church blessings should also be allowed for divorced remarried couples.
The fact that blessing celebrations should be open to everyone and not have to be a secret exception for certain people is already indicated in the first book of the Bible, in the story of creation: "God created all things good, his blessings are always there" (Genesis 1:1– 2.4). Later in the story of Abraham it says, "I will bless you, and you shall be a blessing" (Genesis 12:2). "With this call to become a blessing to others and to share the blessings received with others, it becomes clear that baptized Christians should bless one another in the name of God," says Julia Bredow (49), a divorced Catholic. There are no conditions. God calls on all people to pass on his blessings to everyone - which way of life you have chosen and who you love is unimportant, says Bredow. And yet, after her divorce, the mother of three experienced exclusion and rejection not only among her friends and acquaintances. Even within her community, she found little understanding when she entered a new relationship and even wanted to remarry. “The pew on either side of us always emptied very quickly after my new partner and I were seated. Most of our community avoided us. A divorcee and then another who had 'a new guy' living with 'in sin', nobody wanted anything to do with that."
Julia Bredow and her partner changed parishes. They moved in together and got married in a civil ceremony – and had their love blessed as part of the #lovewint initiative. "It was like being able to come home," Julia Bredow remembers. “I had longed for this so much after my failed marriage, my divorce, after all the worries and problems. How could it be a sin to finally find happiness, love in someone? Getting that blessing, hearing God loves you, no matter what, it was so comforting, so comforting.”
An open, fair and just church
The documentary filmmaker Katrin Richthofer (52) is co-founder of the inner-church reform movement Maria 2.0 Munich and co-initiator of the #lovewint campaign and lives for a change in the Catholic Church: "It was very important to me that a Catholic priest attended our #lovewint blessing celebration in Munich blesses the couples.” After her divorce and remarriage, she experienced for herself that openness and charity are not always a matter of course, especially within the Catholic Church. "The #lovewint blessing had an important meaning for me and was a great message that God accepts us all and accepts us as we are," says Katrin Richthofer. As important and fulfilling as the blessing ceremony was for everyone involved, it was not without opposition and resistance. After calls, e-mails and letters reached the organizers in Munich, in which they were massively threatened, the blessing had to be placed under police protection. “That was new to me,” remembers Katrin Richthofer. “I had put myself alongside people who were rejected by others for no reason, and I became a target myself. And all of us were always concerned with the core message of Jesus, namely charity.”
In the Maria 2.0 reform movement, she meets people for whom faith and the Catholic Church are important and who want to stand up for change within the Church. “Personally, I think you can only change the church from within. Precisely because I cannot accept the destruction of the good, comforting values of my church, I am not leaving. I will stay and fight for a church that is inclusive, open to all and first and foremost just.”
The KDFB under the rainbow flag
Rotraut Röver-Barth (80) is on the board of the KDFB Diocesan Association in Cologne and has been a member of the Women's Association since 1990. As part of the #lovewint initiative, she also took part in a blessing ceremony and was able to bless very different people. "These are people who are often excluded at work, in society, but also by their family and in the church," says Rotraut Röver-Barth.
A formative experience for Rotraut Röver-Barth was when she gave the blessing to a same-sex couple: "It was also a gift for me. I saw the radiant eyes of both of them and could feel how intensively they experienced the blessing. God was very present to us. I've always wondered why they had to wait so long for this day."
A step in the right direction
Monika Kreiner is a theologian, pastoral consultant and women's pastor and contact person for LGBTIQ people in the Speyer diocese. For many years she has been a KDFB member and honorary spiritual leader in the Neustadt an der Weinstraße branch association. The 47-year-old leads alternative blessing celebrations with deep conviction and great joy, including one for her school friend and her partner. "After the ceremony, my girlfriend's godmother, who was over 80, came to me, hugged me and thanked me for the blessing ceremony, which put everything in the right light for her," recalls Monika Kreiner. The elderly lady said she had great reservations about this blessing of two lesbian women because she was a devout Catholic and found it difficult to go to such a celebration. But the celebration showed her that everything that was happening here was just right. She is grateful and happy that she had overcome herself and was able to witness the happiness of the two young women. "And that's exactly why I think it's so right and important that we held these blessing celebrations, even if they weren't always allowed or desired," says Monika Kreiner.
“There are still so many prejudices in society that are unimaginably painful for those affected. The Church has a responsibility to put something right again because it has made many people feel extremely guilty that should not have been. And I would like to continue to be part of this process of coming to terms with this, of this reparation.” Monika Kreiner is one of many who, despite possible consequences, have courageously disregarded some prohibitions and rules of the church in recent years because they are hurtful and degrading. Because church is so much more than a raised index finger, faith so much stronger than oppressive borders could ever be. "Our religion gives us strength, courage, hope and security," says one of the couples at the #lovewint blessing celebration in Cologne. "We hope that the decision made at the last synodal assembly will mean that blessing celebrations will no longer be a rare exception and no longer an emergency solution for marginalized marginalized groups, but will simply be part of an open and loving church today."
KDFB position
Birgit Mock, Vice-President of the KDFB from 2003 to 2022, Chair of the Synodal Forum IV "Living in successful relationships - love living in sexuality and partnership"
"We in the Women's League believe that we are all created and loved by God - in our differences and uniqueness. This also includes our gender identity, our sexual orientation and the way of life that we have chosen for ourselves. In order to develop a sexual morality that respects the reality of people's lives, the KDFB has also set accents in the synodal path.
With the Synodal Forum, which I chaired together with Bishop Helmut Dieser, we presented a resolution text on "Blessing celebrations for couples who love each other" for the 5th Synodal Assembly.
An important milestone has now been reached:
After intensive and honest discussions, the 5th Synodal Assembly on March 10th with a majority of almost 95 percent decided that from 2026 both homosexual couples and divorced remarried couples may be blessed in the Catholic Church in Germany. I was really hoping for this sign! I believe that there can be real change in pastoral work that you can feel. It was also decided that pastors who preside over such a blessing celebration should no longer face disciplinary consequences. A handout for blessing celebrations for the respective couple constellations will now be developed very promptly, so that the bishops can implement this practice in their dioceses very soon.”
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